Divorce Fairy Tales

There are many stereotypes, myths and fairy tales about divorce.  Many receive a lot of attention by the soon-to-be divorced, and for no reason at all.  Be wary when someone tells you some popular myth about divorce; some are quite harmful to both women and men. Here are some of them, contrasted with what the real law is in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts:

1.  Leaving the marital home constitutes abandonment or desertion.  FALSE!  In order to constitute abandonment, your spouse must have left the residence and established an alternate residence for a period of six months to a year.

2.  Women bitterly regret divorce.  FALSE!  Divorced women are generally happier than divorced men.  And one large study suggests that middle-aged women become happier after their divorce.

3.   You should never leave the home – even under circumstances that require your safety or the safety of your children.  FALSE!  Moving out of the home to secure a safer environment is never wrong, but it’s better to seek immediate judicial intervention in court.

4.  Child support need not be paid if the primary parent refuses to let you visit with the children.  FALSE!  One has nothing to do with the other.  If, however, your children are being used as bargaining tools, contact us to file a Motion for Visitation, Complaint for Contempt or some other remedy which the judge will consider to be in the best interest of your children.

5.  Only wives – not husbands – are entitled to alimony or spousal support.  FALSE!  Said remedies are gender neutral.

6.  Most divorced men can remarry while most divorced women cannot.  FALSE!  Both groups do remarry at very high rates – and soon!  About 80% of divorced men and 75% of divorced women remarry whether or not they have children, and most do so within three years.

7.  Mothers are automatically entitled to custody because it is presumed they are the better parent.  FALSE!  The “Tender Years Doctrine” has long been abolished.  This is why father’s rights have become so popular over the years.  Now the court views the best interest of the physical, educational, mental and emotional needs of the children and fashions a custody award around these factors.

8.  All parents are always entitled to visitation no matter what circumstances exist.  FALSE!  Once again, the “best interest of the children” standard is the hallmark principle of the court and orders are fashioned accordingly.

9.  If your spouse cheats on you, it is automatically viewed as wrong and custody awards are made in favor of the non-cheating spouse.  FALSE!  Unless there has been documented evidence of financial improprieties or child neglect, affairs or related conduct are not viewed as factors which relate to any custody or parenting plan decision.

10.  Both spouses are automatically entitled to half of the marital assets as a matter of law.  FALSE!  In Massachusetts, the rules of equitable distribution apply in determining who gets what.

11.  Following divorce, it is almost guaranteed that one’s standard of living plummets by over half.  FALSE!  These may be the result of pro se’ litigants, but when you engage in competent, zealous representation, the post-divorce standard of living may actually increase!

Myths such as these offer false lessons regarding both what men and women should expect from each other and how one should behave in divorce.  The truth is richer and contains many positive possibilities for both men and women.